If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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