Tell her she can't have a vagina
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize