umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
