genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, beer. Big fan.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
