You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
