Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
