Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
