I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
