I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need to sanitize my soul.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
