I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize