how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
