My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
