She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
