Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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