Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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