You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
