No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
