why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
whose parrot is this?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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