i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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