My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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