Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
