my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize