a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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