Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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