I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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