idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
