I think my vagina is haunted
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
