Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Boobs are out for the taking
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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