you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize