just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think my vagina is haunted
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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