It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
