you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
