They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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