I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if only i could text you this smell
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
