can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
