Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
