I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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