Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
