We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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