oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
