I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I need moral support for this bender
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
