your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
