I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just pee around me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
