Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
