I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
