sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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