Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
