True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
