i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
