Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
