I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
