yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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