the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
