Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
