No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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