You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We are two peas in an std pod
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
