get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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