covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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