I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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