actually, I'm a sock model
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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