What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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