walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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