So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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