I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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