ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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