Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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