just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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