In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
