Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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