What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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