imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
