I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i drank out of a bidet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize