she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
