Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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