I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize