my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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