I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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