if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
