I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
