I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
