Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize