it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
