once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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