How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
