Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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