it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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