dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
