hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
