apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
