When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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