I'm going to jail i love you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
