I just pynch a tree in the face
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
