I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
