I'm really into asian looking animals
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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