What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
