What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
