just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I AM VODKA MAN
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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