Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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