her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
