sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize