Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize