everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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