well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
