I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
